It’s not you that they criticise and doubt
People are projecting their own fears and insecurities onto you
One idea to contemplate
People aren’t criticising or doubting you. They are threatened by a quality you embody they wish they had the courage to step into.
They attack you for being too direct, because they wish they could be more direct themselves.
They tell you off for being too bold because they’re afraid of taking risks.
They criticise you for being too selfish because they sacrifice their needs due to fear of being rejected if they said no.
One question for you
How would it feel if you knew beyond any doubt that other people’s criticism of you is all about them, and not at all about you?
An experiment to try
Next time someone criticises you rather than think “they’re attacking me”, invite the thought “they are attacking themselves”. See their words not as an attack on you, but as their own attack on themselves. Then, respond to them from that awareness.
Some possible options for what you may say:
I see that you think that being straightforward is not acceptable. Can you help me understand what makes that so for you?
I see that my behaviour upset you. Can you help me understand what it brought up for you?
Quote to ponder
“If the doors of perception were cleansed every thing would appear to man as it is, Infinite.” – William Blake, poet, painter and printmaker
What’s on my mind
Writing this post reminded me of one of the ways in which I didn’t use to own my projections. I remember being upset with someone for being too attention seeking. And I see now how that was because I’d been sacrificing my need for attention and my desire to express and be seen for who I was.
Cover photo by Daniel von Appen on Unsplash