Are you a highly sensitive overachiever?
Do you know things that you don’t know how you know? Are you aware of subtleties–people’s facial expressions, feelings, tone of voice–that others may miss? Do you feel deeply affected by stimuli?
I’ve had a complicated relationship with my sensitivity.
When I was about 10, I decided that I was going to push all of my sadness down and not cry in front of my father who was often very critical of me. I then didn’t cry for more than 12 years.
I’ve been told off and mocked for my sensitivity. An ex-partner used to say that I was such a sensitive flower–as in, a flower she’d rather not smell.
My mother accused me, not once, of being very sensitive when I shared the hurt I was going through after separating from my ex-wife.
When one of my dearest and oldest friends spoke highly of my sensitivity–I couldn’t quite recognise that trait in myself. Am I really sensitive?
And then, a couple of years ago, I was reading a book about Steve Hardison. Toward the end of the book, the author wrote that Steve was a highly sensitive person and then described what that looked like. And then it clicked. I was that also. So, here are some of the signs:
Signs that you’re a highly sensitive overachiever
You are perceptive and insightful. You are often aware of nuances that others miss.
You know things that you don’t know how you know.
You overgive, overwork, overdo.
You can easily recognise what others are feeling.
You experience emotions deeply.
You’re afraid that you aren’t enough. And also that you might be too much.
You startle easily.
You feel overwhelmed when you’re under time pressure.
You experience perpetual not-enoughness: you feel like an imposter, you feel you haven’t achieved enough and you don’t take much pleasure in the success you’ve had.
You are deeply affected by feedback, both negative and positive. Criticism, judgement and rejection feel very painful.
You reflect on things deeply. You seek answers to the big questions in life. You like deep conversations.
You’re afraid of failure.
You are more easily overwhelmed by stimuli: intense colours, cluttered or chaotic environments, noise, bright light, strong smells.
You are affected by other peoples’ moods and feelings and you often absorb them.
You have a low pain threshold.
You have strong reactions to experiences, whether you express them or not.
You were a precocious child–mature and wise beyond your years.
What is high-sensitivity?
Highly sensitive people have a more sensitive nervous system and absorb sensory data more deeply. According to clinical research psychologist Elaine Aron, who coined the term “highly sensitive person” (HSP), highly sensitive people represent 15-20% of the population.
Below I will describe the characteristics of highly sensitive people and share some insights on the implications of being an HSP and how to use the disposition to your advantage.
Elaine Aron distinguished four main traits of HSPs, arranged in an order to make the acronym D.O.E.S.
Depth of processing. Highly sensitive people absorb sensory data more deeply. Whether that’s information, sound, smell, knowledge, colour, clutter or chaos–they process data more deeply and are hence more affected by it.
Overstimulation. Highly sensitive people process details deeply all the time, whether they’re consciously aware of this or not. As a result, their nervous system can often feel overstimulated and overwhelmed by sensory data: noise, clutter in the environment, smells. This includes their thoughts and feelings.
Emotional reactivity and Empathy. The “E” in D.O.E.S. refers to emotional reactivity and empathy.
When it comes to emotional reactivity, HSPs have stronger reactions to experiences and to internal and external stimuli. Internal stimuli include thoughts, feelings, sensations and insights. External stimuli include sound, light, chaos, pain. While most people can tolerate loud noise, messy environments, intense colours, strong smells, highly sensitive people are disturbed by them.
When it comes to the other “E”--empathy–the way this expresses is that HSPs are more aware of, attuned to, and affected by the feelings and moods of others. This is linked to greater activation in the mirror neurons of HSP. Mirror neurons are brain cells that fire both when someone we perform an action and when we observe someone else performing the same action. For example, whether you’re dancing or watching someone dance, the same neurons fire. Mirror neurons are partly responsible for our capacity for empathy and they are especially active in HSP.
Sensitivity to subtleties. Highly sensitive people notice details and nuances that most people overlook. This refers to both physical subtleties and emotional subtleties. HSPs notice small details in their physical surroundings, the overall atmosphere in a room, the dynamics between people.
The gift of being a highly sensitive overachiever
Highly sensitive people are often very intelligent, creative, energetic, intuitive, empathetic and big-hearted.
I have observed that high sensitivity often comes coupled with high ambition, talent and creativity. Highly sensitive people are often overachievers, who are very determined and driven. They are trailblazers and truthseekers. They are passionate about making a difference. They push boundaries, seek for meaning and purpose, and ask bold questions. They know that there’s more to life–and they have a hunger for that exploration, for something deeper, more meaningful, and more visceral.
Many of the people I work with exhibit these characteristics and I have named that disposition–a highly sensitive overachiever.
How to use your high sensitivity to your advantage?
HSPs could feel more easily overwhelmed and stressed out because they absorb information so deeply.
If you recognise yourself in some of these characteristics, here are some tips on how you can manage and use your high sensitivity to your advantage:
Thoughts: Curate your mind
The heightened sensitivity to internal stimuli (thoughts, feelings and sensations) means that you are more affected by the voice in your head and the words it speaks to you. If the voice in your head is critical, judgemental, harsh, you are more likely to feel deeply oppressed by its chatter. If your inner monologue is loving, compassionate and kind, this can have a very invigorating effect on you.
Curate your mind in the same way in which you would curate your physical environment to make it appealing and inspiring to you. Identify and let go of any mental clutter (limiting beliefs, oppressive thoughts, negative self-talk). And speak words of affirmation and kindness to yourself.
Feelings: allow and feel your feelings
You are also more affected by and reactive to your feelings and fears. Your freedom comes from allowing yourself to feel your feelings and fears, rather than trying to suppress, manage and avoid them. It’s our resistance to feelings and fears that hurts, not the feelings and fears themselves. When we allow ourselves to truly feel all of our feelings, there’s beauty and intimacy in all of them. And because we are more driven by our emotions than our rational mind, we feel truly empowered when we can welcome any feelings, whenever they arise.
Your heightened sensitivity also means that you are more sensitive to and “absorb” other people’s feelings. It’s helpful to ask yourself--is this feeling mine?
Nervous system: take time to relax and recover
While stress and tension are stimulating and necessary for our growth and evolution, we perform best when our nervous system is moderately aroused. This means having a healthy balance between time spent in our parasympathetic nervous system (the “rest-and-digest” part, responsible for slowing breathing and heart rate, digestion, growing hair and nails) and time spent in your autonomic nervous system (that activates the body’s “fight-or-flight” function in response to tension, stress or intense exercise).
Prioritise time for resting and relaxing. Meditation, mindfulness and any practices that help you feel safe, calm and grounded can be very beneficial. Make sure you get enough sleep and that you take good care of yourself physically.
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To what extent do you recognise some of these traits in yourself? What are the main ways in which your high sensitivity affects your life? If you have any questions I could help you with, send me a message.
Cover photo by Nitish Meena on Unsplash