Defence is an act of war

Anything you feel compelled to defend points to a limiting belief about your inherent worth and value

An idea to contemplate

Defence is an act of war. And the war, ultimately, is a war against yourself. The characteristics you defend map to the limiting love language you learned as a child–the idea of who you needed to be to receive protection, love, and care. Yet, love, protection and care shall be unconditional for a child, not transactional. Your value and worth are your natural state, always already inherent.

Three questions for you

What is the architecture of the identity that you’re trying to protect, prove and project? How much of that identity is found upon constricting beliefs that don’t serve you? Who would you be without these constricting beliefs?

An experiment to try

Whenever you feel attacked this week, either from another person or from your self-critical inner child parts, try to not defend against the criticism. Instead, open your heart to it, welcome it and allow yourself to feel it. See how moving from bracing to embracing impacts your system.

A quote to ponder

“There are four things that lead to wisdom. They are four sentences we learn to say, and mean [...]: ‘I don’t know. I need help. I’m sorry. I was wrong’.” ― Louise Penny

What’s on my mind

Multiple high-stakes situations triggered my rejection wound during the past week, reminding me that the truest form of self-acceptance is knowing that no rejection could ever take away my worth. As a child I often felt overlooked and ignored. This left me with a fear of being excluded from the tribe–life-threatening to children. I adapted by seeking approval and validation from everyone. But as an adult, whenever I fall into that conditioned pattern, I am rejecting myself and reinforcing my trauma and limiting belief that I am only worthy if everyone accepts me.