What we avoid is the most direct pathway to what we long for
On the other side of our fears, sadness and loneliness is the fearlessness, love and connection we long for.
Shortly after I started working with my therapist, I had a nightmare that was very disturbing and very symbolic. The fact that I remembered the dream was significant, too—as I hardly ever remember my dreams.
In the dream I was on the street, in front of my grandmother’s house. It was a bright and blue-skied day. There was a car on my left and a young long-haired blonde girl approached the female driver. The driver waved her off and sped down the street. I asked if I could help and the girl walked toward me.
As she approached, I heard the ticking sound. I realised the girl was strapped to a bomb vest. That’s what she was looking for help with. I panicked and I asked her to go away. She wouldn’t. I asked her over and over again, and she kept standing in front of me. The ticking sound became louder in my ears. I began running up the street. And then I woke up.
When I discussed the dream with my therapist, we talked about how all three of the characters in the dream—the driver, the girl and I—represented different aspects of my relationship to myself.
The driver that left is a fearful and avoidant part of me that abandons me when things get difficult. It doesn’t know how to deal with my pain and fear, and it runs away from it. It’s the part that engages in distractions, addictions, and avoidance to protect from my feelings.
The “me” in the dream–the helper–was another fearful and avoidant part. More courageous than the driver, yet equally lost and helpless in the face of distress.
And the little girl, ironically, was the adult–the wise one. While she appeared to be the one who needed saving, she was actually the savoir. While both “adults” had panicked, she was calm and serene the whole time. The bomb she was strapped to, represented the untruths I was strapped to at that point in my life–my self-negations, fears, and limiting beliefs.
Those aspects of ourselves that we tend to fear and see as wounded–the shadow that we suppress, hide and avoid in ourselves–are the source of our biggest gifts. When we face and embrace those aspects, we see them for what they really are. Our fear opens to fearlessness. The fragile, tender and helpless become strength, invincibility and empowerment. Through the dark we connect with our innocence and light. And vulnerability is the pathway to our courage
Cover photo by Jared Schwitzke on Unsplash