I was recently contemplating a passage by Carl Jung that said: “It is, moreover, only in the state of complete abandonment and loneliness that we experience the helpful powers of our own natures.”
It reminded me of a time when I was feeling profoundly alone.
I had just moved back to England after a painful separation. Everything in my life felt uprooted. There was profound change in all main areas of my life. I felt isolated and very alone in the world.
At the time, I was in close contact with two friends. As Christmas approached—a time of year I’ve always been fond of—the loneliness began to feel heavier.
And then, one of these friends sent a message. He said he needed some space, and that he wanted to step back from being in such close contact.
I remember reading that message while standing in my kitchen. And a wave of panic taking over me. I felt a strong, desperate urge to fix it, to call him, and to make the panic stop.
To escape the abandonment that had just been triggered so violently inside me.
But I didn’t. Instead, I sat down with my journal.
I wrote down what I was thinking. I allowed myself to feel what I was feeling. I didn’t try to fix it. I didn’t resist it. I just let it be there. And slowly, it began to shift.
The panic softened. I felt reconnected to myself.
That moment showed me that beneath the pain, there’s strength. And that we access our strength and resources not when we try to solve the pain, but when we feel the pain.
By being with my painful feelings instead of wanting to get rid of me, I found within myself resilience, acceptance and love for myself that I hadn’t known existed.
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